Malayalee Jokes

What do you call an amazing Malayalee? Pheno Menon.
What do you call a dashing Malayalee? Debo Nair.
Why do they require 5 people for a Malayalee funeral? Four to carry the coffin, one to carry the two-in-one.
What do you call a Malayalee drunkard? Kutty Sark.
Why did the Malayalee cross the road? To join the union on the other side.

Whole Wheat Pasta (Simple Meal)

Pasta is one of the Italian dish, which is, famous almost through out the world. From the time Iam married, I never tried this till recent time. I heard about it a lot. Then, I learned with two to three trials on cooking pasta, that it can be cooked with any seasoning of our likes. Now you know me..:-)) I added my very own basic spices used for making a any simple upma to the pasta. And end result for very very yummy. Iam happy with this because my son too started liking pasta. Now its been adopted by both of us (mother and son) very much, it has become one of our favourite meal. For first couple of times, though I have choosen Italian made as I heard it is the best one, I went for just plain pasta. But this time I went for Organic Whole Wheat Fusilli (made in Italy). I choose fusilli upon other textures. I believe , I liked whole wheat pasta more than others. Now I stick to this! Its worth the cost!
For two persons: (here for me and my son)
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1 cup pf whole wheat pasta
1 quater / 1 liter / 32oz of water
Salt a/c to taste
1/4th tsp mustard seeds (aavalu)
1/2 tsp cumin seeds (jilakara)
2 garlic pods (cut and crushed)
1 small onion (Cut onion into small pieces, just as you do for upma)
2 green chillies (slit and cut into small pieces)
1 stem curry leaves (karivepaku)
1 big tomato ( sized into small cubes)
A dash of pepper
Method For Cooking Pasta:
Bring above specified amount of water into full boiling with little salt.
Once the water starts full boiling, add pasta and cook with open lid, stirring occasionally.
Cook till about 10 minutes approx. But do check the pasta in between , to know wheather it is cooked well.
Just take one piece of pasta, press and see wheather you like that chewing consistency. If it is ok , remove from heat or else cook till it reaches texture as you desire.
I like little crunchy texture, so I stopped after 10 minutes of boiling.
Drain water and allow the pasta to cool a little, till you prepare the seasoning.
If it sticks to each other, then just rinse once in cold water and keep aside to drain.
Method For Seasoning The pasta:
Heat a wok, add 2 full tsp of oil (I used olive oil, which is best for such meals).
Now add mustard seeds and cumin seeds, green chillies and curry leaves one after the other as mentioned, giving time for each to splutter.
Now add onions and fry till they turn transparent. Add garlic and fry for 1 more minute.
Now add tomato and sprinkle with pepper powder and very small amount of salt(as already salt is addded to the pasta while cooking). Pour little water (say 1/4 th cup) and close lid.
Allow to cook, mix in between, till tomatoes are soft. Just check the taste for salt and spice. if you think you need little more add here, respectively.
Now add drained pasta and mix well with other ingredients. Close lid and decrease the heat. Allow to cook for couple of minutes more or till all other spices get well with pasta.
Before removing from heat, just check the taste and if needed add like salt or pepper.
Serve hot or warm. This is best one for kids also who like pasta but desire for spices:-)

Talking Clock

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.What's with that big brass gong?" one of the guests asked. It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", the drunk replied. A talking clock? Seriously?" asked his astonished friend."Yup", replied the drunk. How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch", the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment.Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "You asshole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!

Hair implant

Saddam had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital. The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries. Saddam was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard. The doctor shaved off a part of his beard and then...

Torpedo Attack

During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese.A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something... at least they would die laughing.The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"The crew burst out laughing.So the navigator pulled his dick out and whammed it on the table.Just when his dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?"The navigator told him how he hit his dick against the table.The captain replied, "Well, in the future you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"

Torpedo Attack

During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese.A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something... at least they would die laughing.The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick against the table?"The crew burst out laughing.So the navigator pulled his dick out and whammed it on the table.Just when his dick hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?"The navigator told him how he hit his dick against the table.The captain replied, "Well, in the future you better be careful with that dick of yours. The torpedo missed!"

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives."Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa."Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!""You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!""That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Fastest Thing!

A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business.Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him.He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?"The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world."The policeman says, "Let me have a look."The man replies, "As I said, it's the fastest thing in the world. If I take the hat off it it will get away."The policeman tells the man, "Take the top hat off and as soon as you do I will catch it."The man replies, "OK if you insist."When the man lifts the top hat the policeman tries to grab it and gets a handful of s**t."What's this?" he screams at the man. "I told you it was the fastest thing in the world." the man replies, "But you sure scared the s**t out of it."

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."Replied the other, "Santa."A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

Fastest Thing!

A man is walking home through a park one night after a fancy dress party. While he is walking home he feels the need to s**t so he crouches down on the grass and does his business.Just as he is finishing he sees a policeman walking towards him.He covers the s**t with his hat. When the policeman arrives he asks the man, "What have you go under there?"The man replies, "I just caught the fastest thing in the world."The policeman says, "Let me have a look."The man replies, "As I said, it's the fastest thing in the world. If I take the hat off it it will get away."The policeman tells the man, "Take the top hat off and as soon as you do I will catch it."The man replies, "OK if you insist."When the man lifts the top hat the policeman tries to grab it and gets a handful of s**t."What's this?" he screams at the man. "I told you it was the fastest thing in the world." the man replies, "But you sure scared the s**t out of it."

Santa's Curtains

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.Santa replies, "Fifteen inches.""Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

Umbalo-Gong

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives."Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa."Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!""You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!""That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Umbalo-Gong

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives."Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa."Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!""You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!""That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

Santa in ICU

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."Replied the other, "Santa."A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."Santa responded, "Sagittarius."